Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
