Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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