i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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