i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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