i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
