Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
