She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
