legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
