Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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