do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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