Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Welp...herpes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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