how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
