I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
