Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize