This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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