You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
