First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
