One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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