after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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