My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
FUCK WHALES
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