you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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