Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
