someone owes me an orgasm
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
