Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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