some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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