I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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