He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
