I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
