life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
