i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
