At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
nutella sex= disaster
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
