So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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