You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
