Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
now i know why i became what i already was.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
