No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
God, I missed his penis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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