My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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