the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
