Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
