I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sext me about skeletons
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
