Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
