I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
