You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her vagine was all disorganized.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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