Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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