DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
