I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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