Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
