You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
