OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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