I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
