jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
