sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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