Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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