i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
