i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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