She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
