He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
