dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
