Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
