Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he puts the penis in happiness.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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