We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.