we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
