people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
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as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying