Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.