Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off