Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
