By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
