I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Come share oat with me in your robe
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
