he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have already put on my inside pants.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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