i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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