It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
