Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
