Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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