since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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