I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
