Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We left the knife in your bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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