she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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