Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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