did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
